*I’ve been writing this post for the last 3 weeks and can’t seem to hit post. I guess this is more then I usually share but this is part of life my world & once it’s out I pray there is solutions to the storm. Jesus I trust in you. *
My Title Life, that’s what it’s feeling like right now. I have been working non-stop but getting nowhere just seems all is falling upon me/us. Sure I hear the keep going but what is it producing.
Is this my midlife crisis? In a way it just might be that. I’m over 40 (can’t wrap my head around that still) and I don’t feel as if I have done what I need to do. I keep thinking is my purpose just to clean and tend to my children? To worry every moment? This can’t be it can it? See midlife crisis. Told you.
I almost just about went to start a GoFund just to try to get enough funds to get a new camera. I know insane (again I’m blaming this midlife crisis thing) but no I haven’t gone over the edge just yet. Although Dear Canon if by some insane reason fall upon this post… know I love you.
I want to be able to tell my stories via the images I capture and can’t do it on my phone because it’s not going to capture the details of the wisps of the curls that fall just right as one of my girls is jumping into that rain puddle like I want, but right now that is just my head in the clouds because truth be told times is hard and a camera is the least of my worries.
Where am I headed. No clue. It’s kind of scary you know. I am trying to figure out what to do yet the more I walk the more I am feel still. Can someone get me off this treadmill?
Wonder if this is anything like what St. Mother Theresa felt? It’s a darkness almost loneliness, yearning for light but not losing faith in that our Lord is listening perhaps that’s why I have been clinging to our Mother recently and perhaps it’s that. I have no clue.
I wish I could go on a retreat and just be in total quiet in prayer maybe all the nose isn’t letting the answers be heard but that’s another me thinking in the clouds. I still need to learn how to drive which means I need lessons and yup you guessed it no money. OH the root of it all and you know what that sucks. There I said it.
I have been reading the book Resisting Happiness and what I read does hit home. Resisting is an everyday thing and I feel as it right now it’s got the upper hand and I want it to stop but can’t figure that out yet.
I am about to start putting things online for sale on Ebay and see what happens and even made a link to a saving Piggy Bank which I never really wanted to share but how it is right now it’s getting way to hard.
Actually it’s the hardest it’s been but with the grace of God we will once again go through this storm so until then if you pray please keep us in your prayers. That’s all I have left.
In a way I am glad nobody really reads this blog because to be truthful this is the hardest post I’ve ever written but I want to post it so when our Lord gets us through it and we are in another situation I have this post to remind me that no matter the darkness our Lord is our light and we just have to hold on and believe.