This Christmas was very humbling. Although by the grace of our Lord I was able to get gifts for all 4 of my children under the tree. It was very humbling because behind the smiling faces of my husband and I, of course, there is a worry.
I know that tomorrow my account wouldn’t be so nice as I went out and get some things to make sure we would have of the kids favorite dinners for today and yup I’ll see a negative sign but pray I do get a payment from a small campaign that should cover it but if it doesn’t arrive well there will be another fee.
I was reading Padre Pio’s book and today’s reading said not to worry about tomorrow as our Lord will provide. Worry about today. So here I am scared and nervous out of my mind to be honest, yet I am humbled and thankful for our Lord’s grace.
I will not lose faith. I will NOT. God has a plan although I have NO clue what is my next step is. I will go and yes I am afraid and like Peter I’ll probably be screaming Jesus help me and he’ll tell me HELLLLO ye of little faith but I am not it’s just the fear after all I am only human.
I am working on getting rid of one “Monster” as I like to call them if I would be able to that I believe it would help us breathe a bit better but I’m not going to lie it’s drowning me and the only way I would be able to get ride of it is to do it all once because it isn’t possible. No way at all.
In desperation, I must admit I went into a mini debt using it to go grocery shopping and getting things the kids needed this year and so $3000 might not seem like a big deal but with a one income family and a minimum payment of $95 (yes insane I know) each month and added monthly “maintenance fee ” and “annual monthly fee” (that one makes no sense as shouldn’t it be one lump sum a year?) Whatever I pay never decreases that balance. FYI do NOT get a credit card from Credit One – they will NOT work with you at all and very horrible customer service even when you have never had a late payment and are just seeking some help.
I digress this post wasn’t to bad mouth a company. I’m sorry about that. Just needed to vent a bit and ask for prayers right now. I must admit I am kind of happy this is a little hidden quiet place I can let go and post my worries and thoughts, but if you do read this and can spare a prayer for me I would be so thankful more then you could know.
I look forward to being to look back one day on these posts and see that the days were dark were actually just preparing me.
Oh by the way my word for 2018 will be PURPOSE. Funny thing, I’ve been seeing this word so much lately so I take it as a good sign as that’s been on my mind lots as to what is mine.
Well not I’ve rambled more then enough. I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas (if you celebrate) remember the reason why today is. Take a time to reflect and be thankful for it all the good the not so good for the unknown and find that one reason that always will make you smile..