The weekend had arrived and some were sleeping in. Others were up and out of the house because they have things planned.
I was up too and doing my motherly duties while holding fast to what the date represented for me.
I take a pause and say a prayer but try to hold my tears. I go and get the daily first cup of milk for my youngest looking at her and feeling blessed yet turning my face to once again hold my tears.
I walk to the living room and look at your picture. Our last picture together.
I pause and once again I think of what April 7th meant 12 years ago. The pain in my heart stings. Deep breathes, my older daughter calls to me as she needs me, I text my son that has been out since early in the AM to make sure he’s made it OK to practice.
Deep breath.. You are on my mind. I miss you and I will forever have those seconds of what if.
Then I think of what I know now.
Everything no matter the pain does have a purpose and as I grab my rosary know you came and completed what was your mission.
No matter my aches, my tears and still pain that come face to face in the AM as your Daddy holds me in the kitchen because he knows this pain all too well although you know Daddy hides it to protect us all. In his arms is where I let my cry once out for what felt like hours but I only have five minutes to “let it out” because my other motherly duties calls and your brother will soon be back from practice and he will be hungry so I need have some food ready.
It might be another day for everyone else but not me it will NEVER be. You are forever part of me and with each of my breaths.
They say it gets easier. That is a lie. We just learn to deal with it. As everyone goes about their day. I am still feeling the same anguish but have learned to hide better. My faith has become my strength. His Love and promise keep me going.