This is a little something I wrote last night… cause parenting is far from pretty roses and happy days.. They say it’s hard when they are little I think otherwise. I think the older they get the harder it gets..Here is a window to my parenting journey…
As I sit here past 1 am waiting on my oldest to get home. I think so this is what my
own mother must of felt. Anguish despair and well hopelessness. Waiting till I
came home while I basically had no care in the world just the knowledge that each
moment that I stayed out later then what I was told to would be a long
conversation as to how she was right and how I was not considerate of her feeling.
Here I sit in the couch in the living room while typing with a rosary on my lap
praying the Memorare until he gets home. I will get the face. No thanks mom nor I
love you as those I can’t remember the last time I heard one from him but I make
sure I say it as often as I can because I still till this day don’t recall it being said from
my own mother although I know she does.
Here I sit and pray to keep him safe. This world is so much different then when I
was growing up. Is this what my own mother thought. Here I sit and think Mama
Mary did Jesus give you this anguish? Sure we heard of him being lost for 3 days
although he answered well Hello where did you think I would be?
Everything I read that I say hmmm Yup that could so would have been me. Because
at 20 I knew best. I was considered an adult but I really wasn’t one at all.
Just as my son is doing now. I believed in God but only when I really wanted
something or needed something. I sit here and wonder is this what my mother felt.
With each moment that passes I kept his name on my lips and tell our Lord to keep
him safe. With each moment that passes I try to give him the freedom I know he
deserves after all he is a good kid but still the fear of wanting to keep our kids safe
wants to over take me and so I pray. Lord keep him safe and let him come home
Parenting will give your prayers wings as you give all you have with each word you
cry out to our Lord and Mama Mary especially her as she of all would understand what you are feeling.
I understand our children need to grow and that we are suppose to let go. Yet here
I sit and pray that I hear the keys so I know he’s safe and home. So that I may
give thanks to our Beloved Mother for helping me keep him safe.
Is this what my mother felt? Till this day at the age of 42 she actually does still
worry (dare I say even more?!) and will call me more then five times in a day. I know it’s her way of letting me know she cares and is worried but I got it no NOW I really do so hmm seriously let go. Ha..
I always said I wouldn’t do that and be over bearing so that my own kids can know I
trust them and I try my best to let them fly but I can’t help but worry and here I sit
after 1 am waiting.
Giving up my worry to our Lord and even though Padre Pio tells hey Ellie don’t
worry it’s hard. So I give my prayers wings and hope our Blessed Mother hears me
and our Lord Jesus protects him till he arrives home safe.
Then I get to do this tomorrow and not only for him but for his other siblings as
they are too growing and want to fly and explore outside the nest. I now know why
as we get older we get grey hair especially when you’re a parent…this right here…
I just hope one day if anyone of my children become parents they remember me as
I sat waiting on them.
Perhaps they will as me holding a rosary in one hand and typing something too and say now I know why my mother would pray and tell me to pray too because NOW I understand why my mom does too…