Kids are off to school and as I grab my broom to start to sweep before I head out and go to a very important “appointment” I start to reflect. I had grabbed my Magnificat and turned to today’s reading but put it down and went on to something else. I even posted a picture on Instagram so I can remember to grab it and actually READ it.
For some reason, I started to reflect back to my teen years. I think of how I really was one to say yes “I’m Catholic” but those were the most empty words ever I could have ever spoken. I had no clue whatsoever what that meant.
Sure my mom sent my brother and me to the classes every week so we could receive our sacraments. If you ask me what was one thing I remember or learned there. I can honestly say nothing. I remember nothing. I actually had my 1st communion as a 4th grader. I remember finishing my classes to be “prepared” for Communion and saying ok now what? That day all I remember is my mom making me wear a dreaded dress (I was the BIGGEST Tomboy) and saying wait till you we have to take communion and the priest will come to you and remember to tell him Amen… I just did what my mom said. It had NO meaning whatsoever what and why I was doing this for.
Years went by and there I was again more classes this time I was doing what is this? Conformation hmm ok… I remember the jest of the class was we had to make a banner with the saint we had chosen as our conformation name.
I remember being so annoyed as I had to do a report on a saint as if I didn’t have enough with my real school work.
Once again I did it cause my mom said I had to. I remember looking at the list of saint names they suggested. Hmmm, Bernadette OK let’s go with that one.
Now who is this person….I’m pretty sure my report was cut and pasted (sorry Bernadette) cause I had no clue who she was just it was what I had to listen for when they called me up when they called me up.
I didn’t get to know who Bernadette until oh so many years later. Like I had my kids later… but that’s a story for another time.
I remember this time it seems my Conformation was a bigger deal than when I had my first communion.(at least for my mom) My mom got a tailor to make my dress. I got my hair done. So many family members I hadn’t seen in years were coming I even was getting a cake… OK, I thought well who knew this “Conformation” thing is gonna be fun.
Then it was time for the service and I remember all of the kids lining up and all the incense oh my goodness. I had never seen that little church so packed. I remember walking with my Sponser as we walked in and sitting. Don’t remember much just knowing it was a big deal for my mom. (Nothing in their of my sacrements do I remember what they meant. At all that made me sad in my later years.
We had cake lots of congrats and envelopes and that is what “I’m Catholic” meant at that time. I did what my mom told me. I never could understand why was she always praying to St. Joseph why did she love him so much??? (My mom’s patron saint is St.Joseph there is even a “church sized” St. Joseph & Baby Jesus) I remember the times I was forced to go to mass I would see that lady there. Didn’t think anything of her. I only believed in God and that’s it I was not about to worship anyone else. Now THAT was so wrong. I would see my mom go to card reading, do these “good luck baths” and coffee cup readings and I really in a way though all of that was part of being Catholic (insert emoji with hand on the face please)
Now why am I writing all of this because my story isn’t a one a kind it’s sadly one that too many might have and will read this and say oh my gosh yes!! I so did too!!
I think that is why I work so hard to make sure that when my kids go to mass they grasp something out of it.
I’ll start conversations and ask what did they think. I try to explain the stories I learn and ask them questions and they have taught me. If I could I wish I could take all my sacrements again because they all seem like an empty shell. Today there is nothing that makes my heart so happy then when I see the conceration of the host. To hear do this in memory of me. It is everything. I am so humbled and no more words are more true then being able to say “Lord I am NOT worthy that you should enter my roof but ONLY say the words and my soul shall be healed. I mean EVERYTIME …MIND BLOWN…’
I think wow you love me, us that much? No matter how broken, low turned away from him HE loves us… Mama Mary she who for so many years I ignored her. When she was who I needed to get closer to her son. She was who I felt understand my own mother’s heart. (still does each day) I tell her all the time oh Mama I’m sorry I didn’t understand that you love me and only want to take me closer to your son (again another story for another time ha)
As you can see my thoughts went in deep and my post is meant to make you think as it has me. (Or at least I hope it does) Especailly with the fast pace and crazy of the present time it almost feels as if we are holding for dear life at the edge. I always remember this image:
It just makes me want to get up and reach for his hand and arm and just yearn for the embrace of his love.
I’m tired y’all. To be honest. It trully feels like the never ending race but I know that it’s all part of his plan and no matter how hard it may seem there is his glory in the end.
That is why here I am posting yet again. Laughing because this blog was suppose to shut down but some how here it is. (You can see what happened on my IG post) and I really believe our Lord has a sense of humor and so we need to remember that as well to remember to laugh sometimes. It is NOT suppose to be all just tears but we must hold on and be thankful for each and every second,minute hr and day. I am so thankful for it all.
Hey you guys. Next Week Begins Lent. Yup I said it. Are you READY? This Lent I am really feeling called to some things that I will share on my next post so be sure to come back.
I’d love to hear what are some things you are doing.