This is a little something I wrote last night… cause parenting is far from pretty roses and happy days.. They say it’s hard when they are little I think otherwise. I think the older they get the harder it gets..Here is a window to my parenting journey…
As I sit here past 1 am waiting on my oldest to get home. I think so this is what my
own mother must of felt. Anguish despair and well hopelessness. Waiting till I
came home while I basically had no care in the world just the knowledge that each
moment that I stayed out later then what I was told to would be a long
conversation as to how she was right and how I was not considerate of her feeling.
Here I sit in the couch in the living room while typing with a rosary on my lap
praying the Memorare until he gets home. I will get the face. No thanks mom nor I
love you as those I can’t remember the last time I heard one from him but I make
sure I say it as often as I can because I still till this day don’t recall it being said from
my own mother although I know she does.
Here I sit and pray to keep him safe. This world is so much different then when I
was growing up. Is this what my own mother thought. Here I sit and think Mama
Mary did Jesus give you this anguish? Sure we heard of him being lost for 3 days
although he answered well Hello where did you think I would be?
Everything I read that I say hmmm Yup that could so would have been me. Because
at 20 I knew best. I was considered an adult but I really wasn’t one at all.
Just as my son is doing now. I believed in God but only when I really wanted
something or needed something. I sit here and wonder is this what my mother felt.
With each moment that passes I kept his name on my lips and tell our Lord to keep
him safe. With each moment that passes I try to give him the freedom I know he
deserves after all he is a good kid but still the fear of wanting to keep our kids safe
wants to over take me and so I pray. Lord keep him safe and let him come home
Parenting will give your prayers wings as you give all you have with each word you
cry out to our Lord and Mama Mary especially her as she of all would understand what you are feeling.
I understand our children need to grow and that we are suppose to let go. Yet here
I sit and pray that I hear the keys so I know he’s safe and home. So that I may
give thanks to our Beloved Mother for helping me keep him safe.
Is this what my mother felt? Till this day at the age of 42 she actually does still
worry (dare I say even more?!) and will call me more then five times in a day. I know it’s her way of letting me know she cares and is worried but I got it no NOW I really do so hmm seriously let go. Ha..
I always said I wouldn’t do that and be over bearing so that my own kids can know I
trust them and I try my best to let them fly but I can’t help but worry and here I sit
after 1 am waiting.
Giving up my worry to our Lord and even though Padre Pio tells hey Ellie don’t
worry it’s hard. So I give my prayers wings and hope our Blessed Mother hears me
and our Lord Jesus protects him till he arrives home safe.
Then I get to do this tomorrow and not only for him but for his other siblings as
they are too growing and want to fly and explore outside the nest. I now know why
as we get older we get grey hair especially when you’re a parent…this right here…
I just hope one day if anyone of my children become parents they remember me as
I sat waiting on them.
Perhaps they will as me holding a rosary in one hand and typing something too and say now I know why my mother would pray and tell me to pray too because NOW I understand why my mom does too…
If you follow me on Instagram then you might have seen me announce that I was going to start up once again on my blog Wordless Wednesday. You Might be famlair to this or not but all it is, sharing a picture w/out words. Letting the image to tell your story.
If you want to join in I would love it! It’s super easy and a way to document your days.
With that being said here is my picture for the week. When I saw this rug I knew it was what we were going to need at our new home. As this has been the Summer of making Lemons into Lemonade.We are beyond thankful for the blessings and grace our Lord has shown us during this very hard time.
What will you remember from this week? Looking foward to next week as I already know what I want to share.
If you know my family and myself you know we love baseball so more or less when things happen around here we use “baseball terms” right now we are going to use one today.
Let’s just say we got hit really hard by one 99 per hour fast ball with what we got dealt with at the moment.
We are in the midst of being doubled down in pain but in the middle of it we have been seeing people come out of the dugout that we never thought would. Instead of who we might have expected others have offered a helping hand.
Life is sure good at showing and shining the light at truth especially in moments like this.
I also have been able to dig even deeper into holding on to our Lord. Although I felt my faith was better then it was in years right now this moment is putting all of it to the test.
Sure I have cried, but I cry out to our Lord. I make sure to pause and give him praise. Although we are in the middle of not knowing where we will be moving nor having the money for the move. Having to humble myself to basically “beg” for help HE is there and he will watch over us I trust and believe.
I truly believe that this is a learning and growing experience for us all. The whole thing we need to remember is that no matter what or where we end up the place will be a home because we are together.
Leaving w/a quote I heard today about Mother Teresa who said God doesn’t give us more then we can handle but I sure we wouldn’t trust me so much. (cause we have always find a reason to smile!)
April was one hot mess. I had so many plans and to be honest for the most part it was very uneventful and just one big jumbo dizzy world wind.
Let’s just say I’m happy we are already half way through May! I am so ready for the end of the school year so I can catch my breathe.
I actually had other plans for this month as well but it seems those plans wouldn’t be happening as I had wanted.
I did have one amazing thing happen that I really still am in awe did happen. I had a Blessed is She Bible Journaling group meet up.
I who gets tounge twisted and am best in my own quiet little world went and stood in front of a group of ladies (mind you I was only expecting 9 and but I had 15 show up!) I was able to share a little piece of what I have been loving and I feel beyond blessed.
This past week it was pouring and we were set up for another meeting. To be honest I didn’t expect anyone to show up because of how bad the weather was but another set of ladies appeared and we were so into our gathering that we went over 1/2 hour.
To be honest we got some news as well that really has taken a toll which is we need to pay out of pocket for my oldest son’s tution so if you need any help with your social media and would like my Virtual Asstistant skills please let me know. I would be more then happy to help.
I also have been trying to get deeper into my prayers because of this different period. It’s been hard y’all but I have been praying more and more beause I trust in prayers.
I know that they are heard. We don’t get what we wish but our Lord will provide what we need and for the most part it isn’t what we expect.
In other news in my upcoming post I am going to share a few activities you can do with your little ones as school is almost over and I know the “I’m bored” blues can come on so quickly I have been gathering a few favorites around here.
Do you have fun activites you do with your kids that is budget friendly? I’m all ears as we need to pinch every penny we can around here!
This past week I’ve been able to go to mass everyday. This has been the first Holy Week that I’ve been able to do so since all my kids are bigger and it’s been more then I could ever image.
We are going to Easter Vigil tomorrow and my heart wants to burst of happiness and I am so humbled for the love our Savior has for us.
Let me tell you though this week had very crazy moments. Tears. LOTS of tears. Yet even with the hiccups my heart is full.
I don’t know what the future holds but I don’t know but I really think I am being moved to do more and I am going to let go (because you know we have to control it even though we say it with our mouths that God is in control we really mean well you know he’s in control but we will see if I really agree with it.) I’m not going to lie I am nervous. I have NO clue what to do but I’m really letting go. So here goes…
COME HOLY SPIRT COME.. LET THY WILL BE DONE… REALLY.
Oh and to start I’ve gotten the Instagram account that will be connected to this site. GULP.. Memories In These Stories
Well that’s all from me for now…
I’ve LOVED being able to express and share my voice. I feel as if even if I don’t know who if anyone is reading this blog I hope somewhere, somehow my words have helped or it showed they weren’t alone.
Sadly the domain of this page is coming to an end on the 10th of next month so it will be shut down as I don’t have the funds to keep it going for another year. I would have loved to keep it open.
I will keep posting until the 10th and then this blog will come to an end. God Bless all of you and remember no matter the darkest of periods there is always light. I know it so.
As I sit here might I say thinking where this and what I accomplished this past year and truth be told it was lots of worry and stress. Yes I am not going to say there were not happy moments and blessed moments but why do I feel as if I didn’t do all I could.
There has been one thing that I have asked plenty of times this past year. What is my purpose? Could it be a mid-life crisis that I’m finally after all these years in my 40’s I want to ask this question.
I sit back and say what has been my purpose? What if I am no more what will they say I accomplished? Besides my children what have I really done in this life?
What is my purpose? Am I just going to be a person who ended up in debt and never was able to have their own or will do something with the time I have left? I want my children to be proud of me as I am of them.
This is why I push my children to go after their dreams and wants. Time waits for no one and then your time here is done.
I want to accomplish more next year. I want to be able to take a deep breath of true peace. Not to fear to take a deep breath and wonder what will happen next.
Beloved Lord, I ask you to guide me. I trust in you. What is your will for me?Lord use me. I need you. I love you with all that I am. I yearn for you always. I hunger to be with you in the quite.
Come Holy Spirt Come. Quite all the noise that a surrounds me. Let me hear your voice oh Lord. What is the purpose you have for me?
Thus that is my word for 2018. So much noise and worry can get overwhelming. My goal is to learn to find those quiet times to want less material things and more spiritual things.
I actually keep having this yearning that I want to be able to hold a woman’s bible study as well as invite our parish priests to our home for a meal once a month. It’s a thought that also has been tapping me the whole year. I then think of the reality.
As truth be told I don’t have any of the resources for it. Perhaps I need to have more of what of St. Teresa of Calcutta as how she would pray without cessing and although she had those dark periods feeling as if our Lord was quite she still worked so hard to be closer and closer to our Lord.
So let this coming year really be filled with real purpose.