Am I really That Strong?

Sitting in prayer.Crying out. Am I this strong? They say our Lord doesn’t give us what we can’t handle. I sometimes really have to ask am I this strong Lord. I know this is just darkness trying engulf me and cover me in darkness. Making me feel as if I am so helpless.

This is when I pray more. I cry out more. I have no answers other then calling out to our Lord.  He says to knock and he will open, well I bang that door.

Right now we are  in a dark period. No answers yet even, with fear we face but I have hope. He will not leave us so I call out to him.

Jesus I trust in you. I will not be engulfed by all darkness. You will help us. We have been in darker periods.

My heart has hurt when I thought it couldn’t hurt anymore on the day our Pretty Girl went to our Lord. From that darkness I found grace and till this day I remember how our Lord has blessed us. How each time something wants to cover us. I hold on to my rosary and pray. For each tear that is shed there will be rejoicing as long as we hold on.

Mary of Jesus be a Mother to me now. Beloved Jesus I trust in you. Help me trust you more.

 

 

rosary-1211064_1920

Don’t Give Up Just Yet

This morning I felt I needed to write. The future is really unknown. I must admit a bit nervous, but right now all I can feel is the sense of “don’t give up just yet”

As I was getting the kids ready for school. I looked at them and my heart is overwhelmed. Each of them are so amazing and not just cause they are my kids (ha) but because of what they have given me. I have become stronger and smarter and open to the amazing gift that motherhood brings me each day.

There are days I am so tired and get angry because I look and see the mess that I cleaned up doubled in size but with it all i again keep hearing “don’t give up just yet”

What gives me the strength is Love. It is really that simple. Love in Faith. Love in Family. Love in what will come.

Right now this seem like they are in despair and worrisome but God will prevail because I know his Love is never ending.

dannyflower

So today. I will not worry. I will pray and have hope and trust for I will not give up.

Hurricane, Tornado oh wait it’s Just Life

*I’ve been writing this post for the last 3 weeks and can’t seem to hit post. I guess this is more then I usually share but this is part of life my world & once it’s out I pray there is solutions to the storm. Jesus I trust in you. *

My Title Life, that’s what it’s feeling like right now. I have been working non-stop but getting nowhere just seems all is falling upon me/us. Sure I hear the keep going but what is it producing.

Is this my midlife crisis? In a way it just might be that. I’m over 40 (can’t wrap my head around that still) and I don’t feel as if I have done what I need to do. I keep thinking is my purpose just to clean and tend to my children? To worry every moment? This can’t be it can it? See midlife crisis. Told you.

I almost just about went to start a GoFund just to try to get enough funds to get a new camera. I know insane (again I’m blaming this midlife crisis thing) but no I haven’t gone over the edge just yet. Although Dear Canon if  by some insane reason fall upon this post… know I love you.

I want to be able to tell my stories via the images I capture and can’t do it on my phone because it’s not going to capture the details of the wisps of the curls that fall just right as one of my girls is jumping into that rain puddle like I want, but right now that is just my head in the clouds because truth be told times is hard and a camera is the least of my worries.

Where am I headed. No clue. It’s kind of scary you know. I am trying to figure out what to do yet the more I walk the more I am feel still. Can someone get me off this treadmill?

Wonder if this is anything like what St. Mother Theresa felt? It’s a darkness almost loneliness, yearning for light but not losing faith in that our Lord is listening perhaps that’s why I have been clinging to our Mother recently and perhaps it’s that. I have no clue.

I wish I could go on a retreat and just be in total quiet in prayer maybe all the nose isn’t letting the answers be heard but that’s another me thinking in the clouds.  I still need to learn how to drive which means I need lessons and yup you guessed it no money. OH the root of it all and you know what that sucks. There I said it.

I have been reading the book Resisting Happiness  and what I read does hit home. Resisting is an everyday thing and I feel as it right now it’s got the upper hand  and I want it to stop but can’t figure that out yet.

rosarypostMay16

I am about to start putting things online for sale on Ebay and see what happens and even made a link to a saving  Piggy Bank which I never really wanted to share but how it is right now it’s getting way to hard.

Actually it’s the hardest it’s been but with the grace of God we will once again go through this storm so until then if you pray please keep us in your prayers. That’s all I have left.

In a way I am glad nobody really reads this blog because to be truthful this is the hardest post I’ve ever written but I want to post it so when our Lord gets us through it and we are in another situation I have this post to remind me that no matter the darkness our Lord is our light and we just have to hold on and believe.

Planning For May

Hey all! First off thanks for stopping by. I’m still trying to figure what I will be doing more of on this blog as I do have a “main” blog I  want to post more regularly too.

I did say this blog would share our memories and tales so lets see if I do that in today’s post.  I’ll focus on my personal goals for this month (If you want to read about my blogger goals you could stop and see that HERE)

Being that it’s May that means it’s Mama Month. Not only us that are mothers here on earth but for Jesus’ mama Mary. Truth be told it took me a while to warm up to her. Even though I was born cradle Catholic there was something that didn’t jive with me as I would think hey but if I already pray to Jesus why do I need Mary? I actually have learned her love for us is just as a mother for her children.

It is a beautiful thing to discover how she can actually get us closer to her son which I really have loved seeing this bloom. For the month of May I want to pray the rosary each day. I also want to ante up my workouts and I found a workout you can do while praying the rosary!

I mean maybe I’m just too excited about this but this is AWESOME to me. I get to workout my body & spirit at the same time YES please.

the-rosary

So I am excited to get this month started. I also want to finish a book I had been reading and take to action what I am learning from it. It’s called Resisting Happiness * if you go to that link you can get the book free just pay for shipping * I know what a name but it really has given me lots of Ah ha moments.

I must admit I’ve been a tad stressed because as I had shared in my first post that I am trying to find a way to make an income from home and I was hoping I could find a way to do it via my blogging at the moment it’s not working so I am looking at other avenues we shall see but have faith something will come and let go.

Remembering I really can’t do it all (imagine that!ha) because although I want to do certain things it is not my will but our Lord’s.

Oh another personal goal for me is to drink my proper amount of water I’ve been slacking even though I drink 30 oz I’m suppose to drink 70 oz a day! So I’m gonna get back on that as well.

It’s gonna be a jam packed week. Starting with this week it’s my youngest son’s last dance at school before graduation EEK! My nephew has his first communion plus I have to start planning for my youngest 4th birthday! (wait didn’t I just have her!!) I am looking forward to what is to come and in the mist I will remember to grab my camera!

 

What are you looking forward to doing this month?

Week in the Life : Here goes Nothing

This year Ali Edwards is once again bringing us a way to document our memories for a week. To be honest I actually wasn’t going to join this year even though the kids are off as this week is their Spring Break.

I decided I would do a more relaxed Week in the Life instead of a pictures an hr of the day.

Today I’m sharing Monday’s little moments I captured.  Although the kids weren’t busy I sure was and so it was a totally relaxed day.

The girls had a day of sharing stories and playing dolls and  painting it’s always so beautiful to see their relationship. Such a blessing.

2017-04-18_0001

 

This was the after mass of breakfast when all the kids are home. I must say it’s my most disliked chore but I digress if I don’t get it done it’s just gonna grow!

2017-04-18_0002

 

Remember I said it was a busy day for me? Well here’s what dinner was! I can’t even remember what was lunch I know the kids made themselves sandwiches and I probably had some veggie sticks.

Hubby says I am a pizza addict. I don’t disagree I could eat pizza everyday and be happy.  It’s my happy food! It’s just comforting and filling and I get a happy dance from  eating it. My youngest loves it as much as I do hubby says I just brainwashed her cause of how much I eat it ha!

2017-04-18_0003

 

I was so tired that this is what my desk looked like at the end of the day. I have cleaned it up this AM but when I came to my table this is what I saw. I know crazy but it’s real life and sometimes you just have to get up and go to bed before you fall asleep while trying to clear your desk.  Hey at least my planners were put away so it made it easier to clean up this AM.

 

2017-04-18_0004

That was my day yesterday. I’ll see what I capture today. SO far the guys are all sleeping and us girls are up again. We have some things to get done later on so lets see if I get to capture some of it.

 

Are you doing Week in the Life this year? How is your format if you are sharing? Are you taking pictures by the hour or things you want to remember? I’d love to know and please share so I can check it out!

One A Day.. I Can Do That

As I tell my kids if you write it down that means your going to do it. (or so I hope so) This is a my own person note of a challenge I would like to do: To post a picture a day.  Starting on Saturday. I will set a timer as a reminder to see if I have taken that picture yet. Would you like to join me? I’ll think of a hashtag and share it on Twitter on Saturday.

In the meanwhile, I thought I’d share a milestone that happened this week.

My youngest son turned 14!  Yes I had the cake waiting for him the moment he got home.

2017-03-30_0001

We have a thing at our house that I always say. Your not officially older till you have had your cake.

 

2017-03-30_0002

Happy Birthday my Sweet boy. May our Lord continue to bless and guide you. I am so proud of the young man your growing up to be.

2017-03-30_0003

Time really is going way too fast. Make sure to snap those pictures even few and in between. You will be so thankful you have.

Can’t wait to document April with you. It is going to be a hard month for me but I think doing it will help me. More on that later next week.

Pretty Sure I’m a Mother to a Super Hero

2017-03-23_0001

In a blur I have to try and capture my little super hero zip by. I wonder where do you get all this energy. You didn’t sleep a complete night’s sleep. You have to be as tired as I am. Were you just getting up to make sure everything was in it’s place as everyone slept and your mom was just silly in thinking you needed her help to get back to sleep?

To think how you came into this world.  How scared your father and I were. We saw how fragile you looked with all those wires and tube to help you breath. Tiny 27 weeks into the world you came. Slowly you showed us that with prayer, faith, and your will power there wasn’t anything you wouldn’t jump over. Slowly you got stronger and we were in awe. Everyone that heard of your story  seemed just as amazed as us.

You are our  Little Super Hero. Amazed I shall always be by all your energy, amazed by the questions you ask. The memories you seem to recall that I wouldn’t think you would but you do. Amazed that I have been blessed to be your mother. Amazed how fast time is flying. Almost as fast as you.

2017-03-23_0002

For now I will stand back but close enough in case you need me. Fly high my little super hero.