Expiring on March 13th

Well it seems this little place in the web will be closing for sure unless I’m able to renew it. I would need $50 to keep my website for the next year.

endingblog

 

I really have loved this place and actually would love to keep it because I have a new chapter that has come aboutand will begin after Lent. I would love to share that.

I have been able to express my thoughts and would love to be able to do more of it as in the past I’ve gotten some amazing feedback.

I have left it to the Lord if this is some place that should stay then so be it. Our Lord had been genrous and amazing and I am beyond thankful I would love to keep this blog to share more about that and what is to come after Lent.

I am actually nervous but so excited about it! Well that’s all from me. If you could spare a little prayer for me and as to what our Lord wants to happen with this little blog. I’d be so thankful.

 

 

 

 

 

This little Space Is Going Away

 

 

door

I’ve LOVED being able to express and share my voice. I feel as if even if I don’t know who if anyone is reading this blog I hope somewhere, somehow my words have helped or it showed they weren’t alone.

Sadly the domain of this page is coming to an end on the 10th of next month so it will be shut down as I don’t have the funds to keep it going for another year. I would have loved to keep it open.

I will keep posting until the 10th and then this blog will come to an end. God Bless all of you and remember no matter the darkest of periods there is always light. I know it so.

 

 

2018 : 365 Days to Pray

Here we are at with the 1st day of a New Year. So many resolutions I’ve heard.  From losing weight, to saving money but there is one I want to do. I want to pray more. I need to pray more.

I want to grow my relationship better with the Lord. I actually found a parish close enough to my home that has adoration every week. I can not say how giddy I was when I found this out.   I feel like this is my change to get a little bit closer to our Lord. I sometimes as I kneel look at the blessed sacrament and am in awe yet feel so little and unworthy.

I think of the stories of saints and people who have heard our Lord’s message to them. Then there is me who just hears myself with all the worries and questions.

I can never seem to find myself quiet. To be honest I think I’m almost afraid to be quiet. What if our Lord does speak to my heart, yet I wonder why should I be afraid what is that? What is that about? I WANT him to speak to me yet I’m the one not letting him?

When I go into the chruch before picking up my daughter it seems there is the one question I sit and seem to ask Lord  always. What is it that you want from me?  I ramble on with all that is going on and all my worries and perhaps that’s why I can’t hear if our Lord has something to tell me.

Perhaps that’s why I got one of my favorite saints when I went on to Saint Name Generator  and got St. Padre Pio.

Screen Shot 2018-01-01 at 11.01.03 PM

I almost think of him as if he were a dad or grandfather that would give me that look when I would be doing wrong but have a good love for me. I love how he loved the Lord and Mama. I am so excited to get to know him better and pray for his intercession more this year as well . I’m actually reading a book called Parde Pio’s Spirtitual Direction for Everyday that I hope to read throughout the year.

There are some very serious things going on right now with our family. It’s really hard. I am praying that I get I’m able to find a way to get an income going.

Our living situation is getting stranded as well so much going on. All I know to do is pray. I truly believe in prayer and have seen them heard even in my moments that I am in dispair I need to remember this.

 

 

2018 : PURPOSE

person-371015_1920

As I sit here might I say thinking where this and what I accomplished this past year and truth be told it was lots of worry and stress. Yes I am not going to say there were not happy moments and blessed moments but why do I feel as if I didn’t do all I could.

There has been one thing that I have asked plenty of times this past year. What is my purpose? Could it be a mid-life crisis that I’m finally after all these years in my 40’s I want to ask this question.

I sit back and say what has been my purpose?  What if I am no more what will they say I accomplished? Besides my children what have I really done in this life?

What is my purpose? Am I just going to be a person who ended up in debt and never was able to have their own or will do something with the time I have left? I want my children to be proud of me as I am of them.

This is why I push my children to go after their dreams and wants. Time waits for no one and then your time here is done.

I want to accomplish more next year. I want to be able to take a deep breath of true peace. Not to fear to take a deep breath and wonder what will happen next.

Beloved Lord, I ask you to guide me. I trust in you. What is your will for me?Lord use me. I need you. I love you with all that I am. I yearn for you always. I hunger to be with you in the quite.

Come Holy Spirt Come.  Quite all the noise that a surrounds me. Let me hear your voice oh Lord. What is the purpose you have for me?

Thus that is my word for 2018. So much noise and worry can get overwhelming. My goal is to learn to find those quiet times to want less material things and more spiritual things.

I actually keep having this yearning that I want to be able to hold a woman’s bible study as well as invite our parish priests to our home for a meal once a month. It’s a thought that also has been tapping me the whole year. I then think of the reality.

As truth be told I don’t have any of the resources for it. Perhaps I need to have more of what of St. Teresa of Calcutta as how she would pray without cessing and although she had those dark periods feeling as if our Lord was quite she still worked so hard to be closer and closer to our Lord.

So let this coming year really be filled with real purpose.

Blessed and Merry Christmas to All

the-rosary-2

 

This Christmas was very humbling. Although by the grace of our Lord I was able to get gifts for all 4 of my children under the tree. It was very humbling because behind the smiling faces of my husband and I, of course, there is a worry.

I know that tomorrow my account wouldn’t be so nice as I went out and get some things to make sure we would have of the kids favorite dinners for today and yup I’ll see a negative sign but pray I do get a payment from a small campaign that should cover it but if it doesn’t arrive well there will be another fee.

I was reading Padre Pio’s book and today’s reading said not to worry about tomorrow as our Lord will provide. Worry about today. So here I am scared and nervous out of my mind to be honest, yet I am humbled and thankful for our Lord’s grace.

I will not lose faith. I will NOT. God has a plan although I have NO clue what is my next step is. I will go and yes I am afraid and like Peter I’ll probably be screaming Jesus help me and he’ll tell me HELLLLO ye of little faith but I am not it’s just the fear after all I am only human.

I am working on getting rid of one “Monster” as I like to call them if I would be able to that I believe it would help us breathe a bit better but I’m not going to lie it’s drowning me and the only way I would be able to get ride of it is to do it all once because it isn’t possible. No way at all.

In desperation, I must admit I went into a mini debt using it to go grocery shopping and getting things the kids needed this year and so $3000 might not seem like a big deal but with a one income family and a minimum payment of $95 (yes insane I know) each month and added monthly “maintenance fee ”  and “annual monthly fee” (that one makes no sense as shouldn’t it be one lump sum a year?) Whatever I pay never decreases that balance. FYI do NOT get a credit card from Credit One – they will NOT work with you at all and very horrible customer service even when you have never had a late payment and are just seeking some help.

I digress this post wasn’t to bad mouth a company. I’m sorry about that. Just needed to vent a bit and ask for prayers right now. I must admit I am kind of happy this is a little hidden quiet place I can let go and post my worries and thoughts, but if you do read this and can spare a prayer for me I would be so thankful more then you could know.

I look forward to being to look back one day on these posts and see that the days were dark were actually just preparing me.

Oh by the way my word for 2018 will be PURPOSE. Funny thing, I’ve been seeing this word so much lately so I take it as a good sign as that’s been on my mind lots as to what is mine.

Well not I’ve rambled more then enough. I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas (if you celebrate) remember the reason why today is. Take a time to reflect and be thankful for it all the good the not so good for the unknown and find that one reason that always will make you smile..

 

 

 

Your Prayers Will Be Heard & Answered

As I helped my 10-year-old change the time left until we celebrate Christmas on our cute little-stuffed snowman I couldn’t help but gasp as it only has 12 days.

I must say this year has been extra tough and humbling but as I looked at my little girls my heart was full of gratitude as I was able to get gifts for each of my children because of our Lord’s grace and love. I am can not even say how humbled I am.

This year, to be honest, I have prayed more than I ever have prayed. It’s been a hard year. With worries and many tears but the only thing I did have that did not change but actually grew has been my faith.

I’ve actually asked the question to our Lord what is my purpose? Time and again I see my vocation really is motherhood and praying for my loved ones.

Many times I’ve thought Lord am I really enough and find myself on my knees with tears and prayers.  I’ve seen his answers to me and my heart is humbled. The small whispers that carry his love and answers always seem to surprise me.

The answers we seek aren’t always what we expect but sooner than later we shall understand them. We have to learn to listen. It can be oh so hard indeed but we need that quiet time. Just to listen.  When was the last time you just sat to listen?

christmas-2909253_1920.jpg

My littlest asked me actually what did I want for Christmas and I looked at her and said I already have all I need right here. Seeing their little happy faces and hearing giggles is so amazing and beautiful to me. I just want them to be happy.

Although there is one thing I am trying my hardest to work on which is taking care of our debt. It would be amazing to be able to wake up and not have to worry about that. It would ease Hubby’s mind and we wouldn’t have to struggle so hard. It would cut so many chains and allow us to breathe easier.

That is my prayer for the new year. To be able to get enough clients, work to help ease that burden right now.

If you have an extra prayer I would love for you to  help me pray so I’m able to get the work I am looking for.

Goals for the coming year that will have my prayers each day will be

  • Get more VA clients
  • Pay for the school’s tuition myself (so hubby has one less thing to worry)
  • Hold prayer group in our home once a month
  • Be able to do more for others in need (we have been so blessed with help this year my heart is so full and thankful )

If I could have one gift this year that I really think would be so helpful in doing another thing I love is getting a new camera and a GorillaPod to work on my photography once again, but those are things my little dream bubble that I just don’t wish to pop but know it’s just floating from reach.

Well that’s enough of my rambles for today. Thanks so much once more for allowing me to express my thoughts. As well as thank you for your kind words in your messages.

 

What is one thing you are hoping for this coming new year?

 

Running for Advent

advent-1883840_1920

As I was getting ready for bed  I got the urge that I should write this post. I was super sleep but as I have learned our Lord whispers and gives us gentle taps what we do it is up to us and so I thought I’d have to share, and so this is is what happened to me this past Sunday.

On the weekend Hubby will come home from work at a good enough time that he gets some rest and we are able to go to mass together as a family but I got a text from him that they had requested for him to work a bit extra but he actually didn’t come home till almost dawn which meant change of plans, meaning the kids and I would have to go to church by the parish that is in walking distance.

I usually get up at 5:30 am on Sunday because I watch the Mass that is played at that time so I can listen to the reading and gospel because well let’s face it at mass with the kids it can get interesting giving one’s full attention.

As I turned on TV and Mass started  I hear them say today is the  2nd Sunday of Advent and I thought to wait, what!?! It’s the 1st Sunday of Advent and for a minute I said perhaps I heard wrong? So I grabbed my phone and checked my daily readings and sure enough, they had the wrong recording on. I thought well now isn’t this strange and set my alarm (or so I thought ) for 7 AM so I could get the kids up and ready as we had to leave by 8:30 to get to Mass on time.

I woke up startled and sat up in bed and looked at my phone and it was now 7:45! GASP, the alarm I set for PM not AM!

I jumped out of bed as fast as I could without waking up my husband, running into the kid’s room to wake up my girls and my 14-year son and told them that I wanted to go to the 9 am mass and we that we had to walk because of what time Dad had come home and that we were running late!

As they woke up time seemed to just speed by and in my head it almost left like a mini battle cause part of me though oh why rush so much just go to the 11 am mass but  then I thought to wait we can still make it yes we will rush but we can make it and we know if  I wait till later it will rain and we wouldn’t make it so let’s just do it.

I rushed and grabbed the girls and told my son to catch up with us as he rides his bike. I quickly grabbed my running stroller to strap my youngest because although she could walk about at a comfortable pace, not this Sunday as we are racing to get there, as I tried to buckle her now that it the weather is colder I hadn’t used the running stroller for a bit and with her having a heavier coat I now had to change the straps so could be comfortable and buckled. I must say that at this point I just had to laugh because already it had been a day but it made me want to get to mass even more.

As I hurried along I kept asking my other daughter was she OK because she was (still is actually) getting better from a bad virus that was really making her asthma act up, There it was again a “whisper” why are you rushing it’s ok if you are a little late.  I thought no it’s not, then something told me hey why don’t you check the schedule and told my daughter to stop for a moment and processed to check my phone to see the time of mass and there it was mass was at 9:30 NOT 9 am.

As I told this to my daughter we both started laughing and as I turned I saw my son had finally caught up all out of breath asking what was so funny and I told him I’m so sorry I made you run out so quickly, mass isn’t until 9:30! He looked at me and laughed and said well at least now we will have the seats we want and be on time. We proceeded to get to church to a wonderful service.

So that is my little story as to how I started my Advent this year. The next day after I dropped my youngest at school I went into the church to get my little yearly Advent booklet but this year they had a smaller one with reflections and so  I decided to go to my local Catholic store whereas I was getting my little booklet saw this book.

If you know me then you know I love Padre Pio. I totally recommend this book as it has some amazing reflections and prayers each day.  If you get a chance to get this book let me know what you think.

Screen Shot 2017-12-07 at 10.33.34 PM